If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
