Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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