I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
