White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
