Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
