I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
