I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
