Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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