just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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