I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
love makes seman taste better
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I supernannyed him into submission
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
