Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
