I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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