I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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