thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
