I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
