did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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