Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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