when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
