Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
