thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
