he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
