Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
