And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
