U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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