dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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