I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
