I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
