Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
