Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
