He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
