Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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