The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
