dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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