Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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