Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
