I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
