You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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