All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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