ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
