He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
