I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
