I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
