SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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