I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
