I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When are your genitals available?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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