How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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