then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
