Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
