2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
