dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
