I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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